LIVING YOUR FULLEST LIFE

Where Has The Time Gone

October 2, 2016October 5, 2019by KatSneadLeave a Comment

I can’t believe that its almost been a year since I last posted on the site. Don’t let my absence fool you, though! It has been a ridiculously busy 2016 thus far .. and it has been quite a journey to just try and get “through it”.

In the madness of it all, it just happens to get done. Thank God. Endurance, I suppose, is key. Although, I feel like I’ve lost so much time just being sick, unable to move, becoming unmotivated to even think. I was so upset that I was going through it. Things felt like they were just filling up space on my calendar, but didn’t really serve a purpose.

These days, Praise God, my Psoriatic Disease has kept itself at bay and I’m the most mobile I’ve been in several years. Yet the FREEDOM of being able to “just live” it out has been bittersweet. I’m happy that I have been “cured”, but I also feel as if I’m playing catch-up to all of my dreams and desires that I had to set aside since I had been diagnosed. I feel as if I have to accomplish so much in such a little amount of time, just in case Psoriasis wants to return to my body. I always feel the pressure of time ticking away as if I’m close to not being able to move again. I have to admit though .. I thrive under pressure. I want so much to complain and make excuses about the “time lost” due to chronic illness, but I find myself so grateful these days for the experience.

Who would have thought:

.. that the times I was laid up in bed, unable to move .. that I would have the time to stop and plan things out properly according to what I am supposed to accomplish;
.. that the times that I was in pain .. that I would know it so well so that I can understand and help others through their own pain at some point in the near future;
.. that the times I had allowed my mind to wander into sadness and talk myself out of my dreams .. that it would be that very same feeling that I would use as a foundation to build my heart-empire off of;

It’s so crazy that the time that I hated the most would become the moments which I now cherish .. because of what it has made me. Now .. I’m onto the next phase of this crazy journey – picking up where I left off, so to say.

I love to compartmentalize things .. so it’s fitting that all of the people, feelings, and “things” in my life have its appropriate place to “live”. Well, as you know .. my life/work has a lot to do with: Coffee. So this is a perfect example of it:

cups

Imagine that the 1st row of cups represents my Church, my Family, and my Friends. Then the 2nd row represents my Businesses, my Work, and my Volunteer Organizations; and so on and so on. Well, of course, each cup or each facet of my life has many components (represented of course, by the many beans – hahahaha … sorry amused myself for a moment).

Well, the time that I had to myself .. I often thought about what my particular share is of this life. Like, what did I have to contribute to all of these components in my life? What did I have to offer? What role do I play in the bigger picture?

Then .. as I allowed myself to endure the pain (or the lesson), to feel the rest instead of the restraint, and to be ok with the blessing (not be ashamed of the condition) .. I realized that I didn’t have to (simply put) figure out which bean I was in multiple cups, but …

heart-latte-art

simply … to just fill each cup with everything I’ve got.

To my chronic illness brothers and sisters, keep going. I respect you, your journey, and your fight.

~ Be Well …

Lifestyle

The reason for the season ….

December 24, 2015October 5, 2019by KatSneadLeave a Comment

In the quiet of the busy season …

So the last couple of months have been nothing short of a whirlwind of life! I went from one event to another. Coordinating, fascilitating, performing, and wrapping up every loose end. Not to mention the holiday parties and shindigs that “you HAVE to attend”!!

It’s easy to allow the reason why I do any of this to slip from my mind and get caught up in the details or the must-do’s. It wasn’t until I got to the 3rd verse of my spoken word performance that the emotion of “why” we were doing or celebrating this season hit my heart …

"and round the finger of Mary His soft hand curled .. the same hands that stretched out and made the whole world ..." — “and round the finger of Mary His soft hand curled .. the same hands that stretched out and made the whole world …”

I almost lost myself in the feeling of what I was actually saying and started to tear up. The words took life and for a moment I was staring at my creator and savior in His glorious face. It was as if the christmas music died down in the background and the bustling season seemed to stand still in His presence. It was so overwhelmingly beautiful.

This is supposed to be my favorite time of the year because of my reason for the season, but the cold weather makes my psoriatic arthritis sometimes unbearable. Plus, the fear of chronic illness came to light when I lost my voice for two weeks .. although it came back a couple of nights before the performance. It was as if, someone needed to hear what I had to say … maybe me. In my pain, especially during the rehearsals and performances though, I felt weightless. My pain sometimes subsides when my thought is that I have to go through it for a bigger purpose. I think that sometimes God allows us to go through the rough times in our lives so that we can remember what makes the beautiful times beautiful.

I’m merely sharing in hopes that I remind others about what lights up my life ….

I can only pray to be an extension of His light to others especially during the holiday season.

Wellness

Stillness.

September 2, 2015October 5, 2019by KatSnead2 Comments

I’ve been coming here for the past 13 years, but yet it takes my breath away every time. I think, as I get older, I see this place and its purpose in my life through a different set of eyes. My view of this place seems to mirror the perspective that I have about life at that particular time.

Right now, my vision is vast; skies the limit! I’m in forever awe and humbled that God thought to create me so that I could be a part of all of this.

Being up here forces me to look inward to find “company” and outward within nature to find entertainment. I must be aware of the stillness and peace around me so that I may feel my inner stillness and peace. I’ve said this before, but I think that it’s so important to take time out and completely disconnect. These still moments in your life allows you to check in with your heart and your intentions.

It’s valuable to take the time and ask yourself where you are along your path to achieving your personal goals. Inner peace is a good barometer for knowing whether you are walking in the right direction towards God’s will for you.

Look out into what’s around you (the company that you keep, the activities that you participate in, the food that you consume, the vision or the view that you are currently focused on), do these things replenish you; do they rejuvenate you; does it help you be still enough so that you can hear your heart.

Be grounded. Be inspired. Be still.

Chronic Illness, Uncategorized, Wellness

Cleaning House!

August 24, 2015October 5, 2019by KatSnead4 Comments

Ahh Sunday. Prep day… Rest day… Game day… whatever it is for you, Enjoy It! For me, Sundays are my kick-it-into-gear day: this is where I meal prep, schedule prep, meeting prep, & self-prep. I truly go through my entire house, refrigerator, and “chakra house” to prepare myself for the week.

I wasn’t always like this though. I spent a good majority of my life living hour to hour. I was very much a reactive person rather than a prepared person. I got so good at it, that I prepared for the unknowns. But this wasn’t so great because that just meant that I was spending the entire day waiting for something to blow up in my face. Now, since we cannot plan every moment of our lives, we can at least try to take control of those scattered moments. This was something that I really needed to get a handle on since stress was a major episode in my everyday life that exacerbated my psoriatic reactions.

For me, being in a clean environment is critical. Not only am I allergic to dust and grime, but clutter truly restrains me. It hinders my mental and physical productivity. I simply become too overwhelmed with EVERYTHING in front of me that I can’t take the 1^st step to “just cleaning up”. So I have started making sure that everything has a “place to live”. This goes for everything in my life:

My ironing board lives in the laundry closet;
My jewelry lives in the jewelry box;
My shoes live on the shoe rack;
My bad thoughts live only for a moment then go onto my notepad and stays only there;
My pain lives in my knees;
And so on …

I say it so often that my soon to be stepdaughter has started telling her dad to put his shoes where they live once he gets home! HaHaHa! Yes, that does make me happy.

Same goes for my eating. Since I am the reigning Iron Chef Champion (well … in my kitchen anyways) I have to not only eat well, but eat clean. If you have psoriatic arthritis, you know that doing this for every meal and every day is almost impossible. Living with chronic illness really makes you a “preparer” (if that’s a real word even?!). You always have to be prepared to be debilitated completely. So I figure that if God-willing, I am ok on Sunday’s then I can prepare all of the components of my meals that day. This makes for a quick and effortless way to cook during the week. So I have to go through my fridge and the pantry, sort through all of the ingredients, and plan away. Actually, I have some really cool recipes to share with y’all this week. I have to start my detox/elimination diet TOMORROW (the dreaded Monday) so I have had to plan out some key meals to ensure success.

On a deeper level, I have gone to extreme measures to plan out my schedule which really helps me emotionally.

Ahhhh Yeah .. that’s my schedule… oooon an Excel spreadsheet… aaaand yes, it’s planned out for the year. I know it’s a bit intense, but it truly does keep my mind free of clutter and has reduced my anxiety tremendously. The set up was a little overwhelming, but nothing a cut and paste function couldn’t fix. I highly recommend keeping a calendar for yourself. Include yoga sessions, meditation sessions, and meal prep times. Allow yourself to see what a snapshot of your life looks like (on paper). Visualize yourself keeping this schedule. Obviously, you don’t HAVE to create an Excel spreadsheet, but I find it important to jot things down. I feel that in doing this, you can free your thoughts and let your mind rest in knowing that you can let go (mentally).

So get to it! Clean up your space; clean out your fridge; and clean up your schedule. Do these things so that you have the clarity to emotionally enjoy your life and your surroundings more freely.

Chronic Illness, Wellness

Disappointed …

August 20, 2015October 5, 2019by KatSnead4 Comments

Do you remember when you were a little kid and your mom said, “Ok, get your shoes on. We’re gonna get some ice cream”! OH WOWZERS!!!! How exciting right?! Then, the phone rings and 25 minutes later, you’re stuck sitting there with your shoes on .. just waiting. Then finally, a glance of hope! She covers the phone then whispers, “Sorry, Love. Maybe tomorrow”. Gesturing that she’s stuck on this stupid call.

Yep. That’s where I am right about now: Wanting to throw the phone across the room.

I just received a phone call informing me that I needed to reschedule my doctor’s appointment. I know. Usually, people would be ecstatic to cancel that right?! No. Not when you have been waiting to see this Dr. for DAYYYYYYYSSSSSSS and now you are only 2 hours out.

Living with Psoriatic Disease leaves a ton of unknowns on your chart. I have been getting sick more often than not and my pain happens to be more and more unbearable. I NEED to know what’s happening to me. It is so unsettling not knowing how I am going to wake up tomorrow. Before, I would tell myself, “just get through today” & then find comfort in knowing that I was able to do it. Now .. I have to not only make myself sleep .. but also have anxiety about what tomorrow will feel like. Like:

Will it hurt when I wake up?
Will I be able to move?
Will I have a fever?
What’s next? …..

I’m disappointed because .. I simply have no idea. Ironically, the phone ringing that messed up my ice cream date years ago is now the sound I am longing to hear.

Chronic Illness

Immunocompromised?!

August 19, 2015August 19, 2015by KatSnead9 Comments

Ugh .. today has been a rough one. I worked myself apparently to my new “max” yesterday and today I am paying for it with a 101.7 fever, the shakes, and loss of appetite. Let me just bring you back to who I was way back when so that we can (together) have a clearer picture of this drastic change.

One of my 1^st grown up jobs, I was with for almost 9 years. In those 9 years, I must have called in sick about 3 times. And mind you, I only called in sick those times because my boss had previously sent me home every time I had attempted to come in. I was never the sickly one. It would be impossible for me to “get what he has” if anything was going around work. Apparently, that is no longer the case. Actually I still remember when my doctor had asked me if I wanted him to give me documentation advising that I am immunocompromised. Like what in the heck is that?!?! I barely knew how to spell that, let alone want to carry around a piece of paper saying such.

I swear the only time it was cool to be “immunocompromised” was when this older gentleman seated next to me on my flight to Guatemala was coughing up a storm and the only seat available for me to switch to was in 1^st class. Hahaha, that was actually pretty great!

But today .. my immunodeficiency is not so great. I was probably around someone with a runny nose and now here I am, useless in bed.

It still baffles me that a “skin rash” diagnosis like Psoriasis has changed so much of me. My resilience against becoming sick has lessened, but my resilience within to have a beautiful life has strengthened leaps and bounds. My skin seems to have weakened because of the scratching and the sores, but I have become thick-skinned against the stares and the comments made about my appearance. My voice has often cracked or has been muted by being sick and the soreness in my throat, but I have been more VOCAL about my pain, my struggle, my overcoming, my beautiful life.

Psoriatic Disease truly changes you .. it’s your heart though that determines how you can adapt to that change.

Chronic Illness, Wellness

I Wanna Dance ..

August 13, 2015October 5, 2019by KatSnead7 Comments

Yesterday I felt like dancing for 10 hours straight. You know not too long ago I was a Tahitian and Hula dancer, I competed and taught Latin Ballroom, I created choreography for dozens of Traditional Filipino Cotillions, I was a #CrossFit & Yoga Monster (jumping from Bosu to Bosu and onto 3.5 feet tall tractor tires) … but today, I am in pain.

I worked so hard to be in the best shape of my life. Then one day I wake up with half of my body covered in what I thought at the time was #Hives. I was so confused. I had no idea what I had done the day before to cause me to break out in this rash. Since it wasn’t causing me any discomfort, I went into self-remedy-mode: Warm salt rinse, Collagen pads, Aloe; and any type of topicals that I could get my hands on. This rash “persisted” for about a week and half when I decided to detox. I ate clean, no alcohol or caffeine of any kind, zero sweets, all that good stuff. I thought for sure that it may have been “something I ate” so there. This should make it go away right?! No, I actually developed a larger patch on my shins.

Once this “rash” was visible for all to see was when I went to my doctor. She then referred me to a dermatologist who told me that it could be either #Eczema or #Psoriasis. He gave me some topical ointments to rub on and called it a day. When it wasn’t getting better I sought out a dermatologist who specialized in Eczema and/or Psoriasis and that’s when I was officially diagnosed with Psoriasis. Only 6 months later was I diagnosed with #PsA or #PsoriaticArthritis and my life has been forever changed.

Today, I walk for me. I walk in hopes that maybe one day soon I can have my life back. I don’t regret this part of my life .. this struggle .. for it has reminded me of the strength and resilience within .. but I long to glide across the floor again as if I were flying, to dance without a time limit, to move without pain.

Today, I raise money for the #medical research that I believe in, for the work that is being funded now so that I can still have an active future, for the answers that all have longed for.

Today, I will participate in every event, in every walk, in every conference so that I can make a difference in some way.

Please support my #DREAM of a life free of psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis by making a donation today.

All money raised by #TeamNPFsf Walk provides people with psoriatic disease the services they need to live well, while funding research for a cure. Thank you so much for your support of this project that is sooooo important to me. Join me! We can do together what I simply cannot do alone.

http://npf.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=5819

Lifestyle, Wellness

Can You Hear Me Now?!

August 13, 2015October 5, 2019by KatSneadLeave a Comment

Meeting a Friend ..or.. Meeting Jesus at the Crossroads ..

Do I believe in #coincidence? Maybe if you asked me a long, long time ago I would have said “Yes”. But today, I say “Thank you God for making me turn onto this street so that I could stay on the road that You have laid out for me and my life”.

Today, I am practicing my #Sabbath. I was at home, still in bed, and just following the schedule of life instead of my #Excel spreadsheet when I received a message on Facebook. It was a #networking contact reaching out to me to finalize some details for an event. I looked at her message and noticed that her business name was attached. It so happens that she is currently working for an old company that I used to work for. When I inquired about it she simply asked if I was interested in coming back to work for #PremierDesignsJewelry. Ok, now before you roll your eyes like I did, let me just tell you that this is a daily conundrum of mine: “To Be or Not To Be”?! Like, I am so #humbled that #God has #blessed me with so many talents. And like you, as I’m sure the many other people that have #donated to “these talents”, I’m asking … “Kat, do you really want to get into yet another business venture, another license, more training sessions, more “I believe that this is it” moments”?! Right! That’s exactly what I said: NO!

#ButGodHadOtherPlansForMe

I had to finalize the details for the event anyways so we decided to meet at #Starbucks. On my way over since I knew that she would bring it up again, I had a conversation with God. It started off with me saying .. “If it’s Your will …” but I cut myself off and simply reminded Him that I was hard of hearing and that He needed to flat out scream at me and tell me if I should even consider going back to this opportunity. So I park, walk into Starbucks and say to Him: “Am I even supposed to be here?”

When I get in line and order my drinks it so happened that my Starbucks gift card didn’t have enough to cover my tab, but no worries. I had a $50 bill tucked into my phone case. When the cashier saw it, he refused to take it because he didn’t have enough to change me out. Well, my extra cards were in the wallet that I had left at home because for goodness sake I was only going down the street to Starbucks hahahaha.. Long and behold the woman behind me had change for my large bill and was happy to help. The cashier, amazed, says “I have been behind the register for the last 4 years and I have never seen anyone have change like that. You (looking at me) must be really lucky. Talk about being at the right place at the right time”.

Alright, slightly baffled, I was not only #thankful for the kind lady, but was also taken aback by the cashier’s choice of words. Like, why would you say all of that?! Was that God “screaming” it out to me that I was supposed to be there?!

There were a couple of other things that happened throughout that #coffee / #chai chat that confirmed that meeting, but I’ll save that for another day. For now, I heard it loud and clear. By the way, the point of this entry was not to share whether I started a new business or not .. it was to reiterate that at your crossroads you are not alone. And if you’re open to setting your pride and/or “needs” aside, God will give you the best thing for you. #trust #faith #listen

Wellness

Take a Deep Breath

April 29, 2014October 5, 2019by KatSneadLeave a Comment

March 23, 2014

Finding solace in a time of constant change and ambiguity …

There is a sense of fulfillment in finding comfort in the solace of your surroundings; in knowing that you can rely on your instinct and raw emotion at any given time. Being aware of oneself and truly knowing that you are a dependable individual allows you to exercise fearlessness in facing new surroundings and situations. Being an Aries, I was just recently reminded of my eagerness to jump into new things without thinking. “Act now, think later” was my assumed motto. Somewhat true I suppose. I do feel that as I get older though, I exercise a titch of reservation in the beginning of every decision making process.

As I prepare for my trip to Indonesia and the exhausting traveling schedule, I find myself experiencing a bit of anxiety. What to bring, how to pack, what to prepare for. Mentally, I’m a bit too relaxed. Allowing the “I’ll do it the night before so it’s fresh” process to ease into acceptance. I am however allowing my heart to be completely open and be present in every experience. I feel absolutely no weight on my shoulders. It’s just me and my breath. With every inhale, I take in a new perspective. With every exhale, I release the old, go deeper into my mind and make room for a new fulfillment.

.. Just breathe ..

Lifestyle, Wellness

The Greatest Love

April 1, 2014October 5, 2019by KatSneadLeave a Comment

March 22, 2014

Today was spent with my family. The older I get, the more I become so attached to my family and the idea of having my own (sooner than later). It makes me reflect on my purpose and who I am supposed to be providing for. Can I even provide for anyone else aside from myself? I often wonder if this is possible. I give of myself because I feel fulfilled when I do, not because I have to do it. It hurts me though when I can’t give enough. I always pray that God makes me strong enough to give all of me to Him and His purpose. Does one ever reach a point where their life and their faith is truly all His? I often second guess myself. I want to believe that I can do all things and do all things for His purpose, but there is always a little bit of doubt in my ability to give of myself wholly.

I set out on this great adventure with a purpose to “go out and find myself”. Get away from the comfort of knowing that my family will always be around to catch me when I fall or redirect me when I steer off the path of “right this way”. This trip has opened so many doors for me. It opened my eyes to see what fulfills me and it’s giving myself to others. What have I really learned that makes me feel that I can go out into the world and think that I have learned a few things well enough to teach someone else? I suppose that was the real reason why I set out on a journey of understanding. To hone in on what God has blessed me with and love a world that’s broken. I will give with the life that I have been given. I understand that nothing is mine to hoard. That I was given the little that I have to turn it into someone else’s everything.

I think that people have to come to a point in their life when they literally have to stop and revaluate why they get out bed every morning. I often throw around the phrase “find what truly makes your heart happy”. My transition with my work (I think) was the universe asking me to do just that: find what truly makes my heart happy. I was forced to stop and revaluate my own life. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was alone and that although I was surrounded by an amazing family and supportive people … that ultimately, I was alone; responsible for no one else, but myself; obligated to nothing. Go somewhere Kat. Anywhere. Understand yourself and give of yourself. Be comfortable enough with being alone so that you can be whole and fulfilled by only His love. When this occurs, you can then give of yourself with full satisfaction regardless of what you receive back. Disappointment shows up when an expectation is not met. So stop putting expectations on anyone or anything and do something just to do it. This will ensure a happy heart … a fulfilled self …

Remember, you are never alone in Christ.
.. thinking out loud … or maybe, justifying my place in this moment ..

	Compassion Over Coff… on Clean Up Your Mess
	lilkatness on We Have A Voice!
	Chris Abad on We Have A Voice!
	lilkatness on Disappointed …
	NPFjim on Disappointed …