I can’t believe that its almost been a year since I last posted on the site. Don’t let my absence fool you, though! It has been a ridiculously busy 2016 thus far .. and it has been quite a journey to just try and get “through it”.
In the madness of it all, it just happens to get done. Thank God. Endurance, I suppose, is key. Although, I feel like I’ve lost so much time just being sick, unable to move, becoming unmotivated to even think. I was so upset that I was going through it. Things felt like they were just filling up space on my calendar, but didn’t really serve a purpose.
These days, Praise God, my Psoriatic Disease has kept itself at bay and I’m the most mobile I’ve been in several years. Yet the FREEDOM of being able to “just live” it out has been bittersweet. I’m happy that I have been “cured”, but I also feel as if I’m playing catch-up to all of my dreams and desires that I had to set aside since I had been diagnosed. I feel as if I have to accomplish so much in such a little amount of time, just in case Psoriasis wants to return to my body. I always feel the pressure of time ticking away as if I’m close to not being able to move again. I have to admit though .. I thrive under pressure. I want so much to complain and make excuses about the “time lost” due to chronic illness, but I find myself so grateful these days for the experience.
Who would have thought:
- .. that the times I was laid up in bed, unable to move .. that I would have the time to stop and plan things out properly according to what I am supposed to accomplish;
- .. that the times that I was in pain .. that I would know it so well so that I can understand and help others through their own pain at some point in the near future;
- .. that the times I had allowed my mind to wander into sadness and talk myself out of my dreams .. that it would be that very same feeling that I would use as a foundation to build my heart-empire off of;
It’s so crazy that the time that I hated the most would become the moments which I now cherish .. because of what it has made me. Now .. I’m onto the next phase of this crazy journey – picking up where I left off, so to say.
I love to compartmentalize things .. so it’s fitting that all of the people, feelings, and “things” in my life have its appropriate place to “live”. Well, as you know .. my life/work has a lot to do with: Coffee. So this is a perfect example of it:
Imagine that the 1st row of cups represents my Church, my Family, and my Friends. Then the 2nd row represents my Businesses, my Work, and my Volunteer Organizations; and so on and so on. Well, of course, each cup or each facet of my life has many components (represented of course, by the many beans – hahahaha … sorry amused myself for a moment).
Well, the time that I had to myself .. I often thought about what my particular share is of this life. Like, what did I have to contribute to all of these components in my life? What did I have to offer? What role do I play in the bigger picture?
Then .. as I allowed myself to endure the pain (or the lesson), to feel the rest instead of the restraint, and to be ok with the blessing (not be ashamed of the condition) .. I realized that I didn’t have to (simply put) figure out which bean I was in multiple cups, but …
simply … to just fill each cup with everything I’ve got.
To my chronic illness brothers and sisters, keep going. I respect you, your journey, and your fight.
~ Be Well …
LIVING YOUR FULLEST LIFE 