Disappointed …

Disappointed …

Do you remember when you were a little kid and your mom said, “Ok, get your shoes on. We’re gonna get some ice cream”! OH WOWZERS!!!! How exciting right?! Then, the phone rings and 25 minutes later, you’re stuck sitting there with your shoes on .. just waiting. Then finally, a glance of hope! She covers the phone then whispers, “Sorry, Love. Maybe tomorrow”. Gesturing that she’s stuck on this stupid call.

Yep. That’s where I am right about now: Wanting to throw the phone across the room.   

I just received a phone call informing me that I needed to reschedule my doctor’s appointment. I know. Usually, people would be ecstatic to cancel that right?! No. Not when you have been waiting to see this Dr. for DAYYYYYYYSSSSSSS and now you are only 2 hours out.

Living with Psoriatic Disease leaves a ton of unknowns on your chart. I have been getting sick more often than not and my pain happens to be more and more unbearable. I NEED to know what’s happening to me. It is so unsettling not knowing how I am going to wake up tomorrow. Before, I would tell myself, “just get through today” & then find comfort in knowing that I was able to do it. Now .. I have to not only make myself sleep .. but also have anxiety about what tomorrow will feel like. Like:

  • Will it hurt when I wake up?
  • Will I be able to move?
  • Will I have a fever?
  • What’s next? …..

I’m disappointed because .. I simply have no idea. Ironically, the phone ringing that messed up my ice cream date years ago is now the sound I am longing to hear.